Garrett: Sell yourself to someone who has never heard your band. In other words, how would you describe your music?
Pouyan: Chad, how would we explain the band to someone who has never heard us before?
Chad: Sex. Apocalyptic sex rock.
Pouyan: Apocalyptic sex rock n' roll baby. That’s it.

Garrett: What’s the craziest thing a fan has ever done to make a lasting impression?
Pouyan: Oh my god!
(Laughter)
Chad: I can’t even say.
Kelly: ...but we need to know
Justin: A fan gave me fellatio once.
Pouyan: That left a lasting impression.
Justin: Yeah, I really remember her name.
Pouyan: DJ has a really good friend that got DJ’s signature tattooed on the back of her neck with “S.K.S.K.”
Chad: Not any of our signatures.
Pouyan: No, just DJ’s signature…so that left a lasting impression.

Garrett: On another note, what is the craziest thing you’ve done to a fan?
(Laughter)
Pouyan: I don’t know man.
Chad: I threw mayonnaise on a girl once.
Pouyan: Why? Oh yeah, yeah ‘cause she was being…
Chad: She was passed out drunk and she was a stupid hoe-bagel.
Pouyan: She was being very mean.
Chad: Yeah, she was being mean. So…I had to show her what’s up.
Pouyan: But she wasn’t a fan. She was just a girl at a party. Anyway... humping peoples' faces man, that’s pretty much an everyday occurance.
Chad: That’s part of the show.
Pouyan: That’s part of the rock show, that’s part of the live show.
Justin: Besides people’s cars, like we have done full artwork on peoples cars.
Pouyan: Yeah, that’s true.
Kelly: Like, with sharpies?
Pouyan: Yeah.
Justin: Yeah, with sharpies. They requested it.
Garrett: Did they?
Justin: Yeah, we did like a big skull and crossbones and the whole thing.

Garrett: So.. If you “had” to kill somebody--
Chad: DJ.
Garrett: --hypothetically speaking, and God was closing his eyes--
Chad: DJ.
Garrett: --who would you kill, how would you do it, and what would you do with the body?
Pouyan: DJ would be fun, but like I’d feel bad afterwards, do you know what I mean?
Chad: Then we would have to get a new bassist.
Pouyan: Yeah, it would be a huge hassle... if I could kill anyone...
Kelly: It doesn’t have to be in your band, just anyone.
Chad: Yeah, outside the band.
Pouyan: Yeah, probably DJ.
Garrett: DJ? How would you kill him?
Pouyan: Crucify him.
Kelly: And just leave the body there?
Pouyan: Probably cut the slits between the ribcage, and the center and let his guts fall out.
Chad: Yeah.
(laughter)
Garrett: You’re a sick man.
Chad: No way dude.
Pouyan: And then we would put coals under him, like right under him so it’s really hot but it doesn’t light him on fire. So his flesh slowly melts.
(Laughter)
Chad: Oh, you know what else?
Pouyan: What?
Chad: Put like a circle with just a dry spot and then put coals all around that, and then a fire around all the coals. And see if he lives.
Pouyan: That’d be awesome.
Chad: Oh, and then like a bunch of guards--
Pouyan: Guards!
(Laughter) Chad: --around the fire so if he gets out, they’d be like “We’re guards!” And if he gets out they would stab him.

Garrett: Before you guys go to jail, I’ll ask the next question. In the ultimate showdown between Optimus Prime and Bambi, who would be favored to win and why?
Pouyan: Dude, Optimus prime isn’t even real. Bambi would win. C’mon.
Kelly: Neither is Bambi!
Chad: Bambi is real god damnit!
Pouyan: (Snaps his fingers) Hell yeah he is!

Garrett: Good enough for me. Alright. This one, this is gonna probe you a little bit. Would you rather get head from a shark or have sex with a pile of fire ants?
Pouyan: I’d have sex; yeah I’d... rather fire ants.
Chad: I’d stick to abstinence man. ‘Cause at least you’d have a dick after that.
Pouyan: Abstinence. (Snaps his fingers/high fives Chad)
Kelly: But if you had to choose...
Pouyan: I’d choose the fire ants.
Chad: ‘Cause if you do it like, fast enough like, they might not catch on. But if you do it with a shark it’s just like...
Pouyan: You’re screwed.
Chad: Scrapping your weiner across like, razors. And they have rows.

Garrett: Who is the biggest dick in the band?
(Justin raises his hand)
Chad: DJ.
Pouyan: DJ is a huge asshole.
Chad: He’ll pretend he is a nice guy to your face, but then he’s a complete douche-fuck after that.
Kelly: Do you guys not like him? ‘Cause you want to kill him and..
Chad: No, DJ. No he’s awesome. I love DJ.
Garrett: Just, if you had to kill him, you’d kill him?
Chad: If I had to kill him, yeah, and he’s a big dickhead.

Garrett: Who does the majority of the driving while on tour?
Pouyan: Uh, lately it has been Russ, the tour manager.
Chad: But our driving schedules are all 7 of us drive.
Pouyan: Yeah, they rotate.
Justin: Well I drove 2 tanks worth last night but we won’t talk about that.

Garrett: Who is the worst driver between you guys? Is there anyone that would trust Lt. Dan (from Forrest Gump) to drive rather than some other member of the band?
Chad: Yeah well I don’t think Lt. Dan; I don’t think his legs work anymore.
Pouyan: He could like hold the steering wheel like this (puts his arms up in the air).
(Russ, tour manager, walks in)
Pouyan: Oh hey Russ.
Chad: Russ is probably the worst driver... in the band probably.
(Laughter)

Garrett: In some of your guys’ songs you talk about the “end of the world”. If that were tomorrow, what would be your last position?
Pouyan: You know, I really like this one where like, the girl is on her side and you’ve got like, one leg is like going out and then her other leg is like over your shoulder, you know what I mean? So she is doing this 90-degree angle thing and then like, you know what I mean? Like she’s on her side you know what I mean? And you’re just kinda hittin’ it. I don’t know what that position is called though where like, (slaps hands) I love that shit though dude, I love it. I miss it.

Garrett: So, Pouyan, did you call shotgun in the video for “My Darkest Hour”, or was there no contest of the highly coveted front seat in this situation?
Pouyan: No actually, the director was just kinda like, “Yo, you here, you here.”

Garrett: Who thought up the idea for the video?
Pouyan: It was Isaac’s original concept and then like a lot of things that were incorporated in it were just kinda me and him shootin’ back ideas together. Then we just kinda shaped it, it was pretty sweet. He let me work really close with him because I am really stoked on being part of our music videos. So I’d give him directors that I was really excited about and he looked at their styles and their stuff. It’s fantastic.
Kelly: How long did the video take to record?
Pouyan: It took like 2 days. How long did it take? It took nights.
Chad: A total of 3 days.
Pouyan: It took a total of... actually 4, a total of 4 nights. Probably a total of about 48-50...
Chad: 6 hours each night at least I’d say.
Pouyan: Yeah, you’re right, probably about 23 hours.
Kelly: So you were in that van for like 20 hours?
Pouyan: Oh we are in that van for a lot longer than that.
(laughter)
Kelly: 30 hours maybe?
Justin: A day.
Pouyan: No, that’s our touring van so we are very used to being in it.
Kelly: Oh my god.
Chad: Oh Myspace. What’s new on it? I heard... you guys wouldn’t know. You said “Oh my god” its “Oh Myspace”.
Pouyan: Gosh, that thing’s takin’ over. No it’s token.
Chad: Oh Myspace, like, it’s a god.

Kelly: So do you guys have any new material coming?
Pouyan: Hell yeah! Right after this tour we’re gonna go home and write the new record.
Kelly: Do you have anything so far?
Chad: Just ideas.

Kelly: Justin, how long have you been in the band?
Justin: 5 months.
Chad: Since like beginning of... November.
Justin: Well we started touring in November, so like, October or middle of October I guess.
Kelly: Did you kick out your other drummer of did he quit?
Pouyan: He actually went on his mission.
Garrett: Mission?
Pouyan: Yeah, he decided the rock 'n roll life wasn’t for him.
Chad: I don’t know how because...
Pouyan: Psh, it’s pretty sweet.
Chad: Yeah it’s pretty awesome.
Kelly: So did he just leave?
Pouyan: Yeah, he left on great terms. We’re all really good friends with him. He actually just turned his phone off yesterday. He’s goin’ to Argentina, so we support him, he’s a sweet bro.

Garrett: Besides your sweet tour van, what kind of cars do you guys drive back at home?
Chad: I’ve never owned a car in my life.
Pouyan: I’ve ever had my own personal car either.
Justin: I have a Chevy S-10. It’s straight up on rims!
Russ: You should describe the car you drive at home though.
Pouyan: Oh that car that I drive at home... damnit I spilled Ketch-Up on me (licks his shirt). I drive my girlfriend's car that has a new hood so it’s like all black and has no paint on it. It’s a white Honda ’92... or ’95 Civic and it’s missing half of its front fender.
Chad: More miles than you will ever imagine.
Pouyan: It’s got, I think over 100,000 for sure. And the back is completely crumpled in, like pretty much the entire trunk is one ball of metal.
Chad: Oh yeah, from our old merch guy, the first day we got our van.
Garrett: He hit it?
Pouyan: Yeah he hit her car with our van.
Chad: So we had to kill him.
Pouyan: Yeah.
Garrett: Did you burn his body
(Laughter)
Pouyan: Dicklish, good old Dicklish.
Chad: No, we just left it out in the desert.

Kelly: Oh yeah, you guys are from Arizona, right?
Pouyan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good old Gilbert.
Chad: Ohhhh…. you guys don’t want to go to Gilbert. It’s rough; it’s rough out there.
Garrett: We weren’t plannin’ on it.
Chad: No, it’s a pretty scary place.
Kelly: Is it... ghetto?
Pouyan: Sheesh, oh…you…Gilbert.
(Laughter)
Kelly: Isn’t Arizona just like, old people?
Pouyan: What do you mean old? Are you kidding me? Old?
Kelly: Everyone in Arizona is old!
Pouyan: Nooo.
Chad: Only during the winter time.
Garrett: That, and Florida is where old people go?
Pouyan: People say that Arizona and Florida are the places you go when you’re old? People say that?
Garrett: Yeah.
Pouyan: Are you serious? Duuude.
Garrett: Yeah, they get away from places like this...
Chad: Maybe they don’t wanna die. Yeah.
Garrett: ...like rain and shit.
Pouyan: Oh man, Florida. Okay I see Florida, I dunno maybe.
Garrett: Maybe it is for like, middle-aged people.
Pouyan: No dude, it’s for sexy young people.
Garrett: Is it?
Pouyan: Yes dude! Arizona has so many attractive females.
Justin: Dude, at ASU (Arizona State University) man.
Pouyan: Chad’s like 5 minutes from Tempe.
Chad: Actually I don’t have a home anymore.
Pouyan: Oh are you going to start living with me?
Chad: I am movin' in to my parent’s house.
Justin: We should all just move into my house. Just kick out all my roommates and just all like in the same house.
Pouyan: Alright, sounds fine.
(Laughter)
Chad: Sounds great.

Kelly: So how many months out of the year are you guys touring?
Pouyan: Every month.
Chad: Just about 11 of them.
Kelly: Every month? So you’re never at home anyway so it doesn’t matter where you live?
Chad: Really, just about 11.
Justin: It’s ironic because I just bought a house right before I left, right before I joined the band.
Russ: Everyone is talking about like, their cars and he’s like “I just bought a house.”
Pouyan: “I just bought a house. I have a tricked out S-10, lowered, you gotta check out my water heater.” (Pouyan is mocking Justin)

(Some groupies enter the room, Tyson follows. Everyone gets distracted. Pouyan gets something to drink, generously offers us a beverage. Back to the interview)

Pouyan: Sorry man. Keep goin’ man, keep goin’, keep it rollin’.
Garrett: We’re just goin’ off each other now.
Pouyan: Oh, we’re...
(Laughter)

Garrett: So you guys are trying to play Warped Tour?
Pouyan: Yeah I think we’ve got a couple weeks. We are not exactly sure on the dates we are playing. We’re trying to get more, the usual, you know what I mean?
Garrett: Did you go to Warped Tour when you were younger?
Chad: My first Warped Tour I saw Blink-182 and Fenix Tx.
Pouyan: I actually never went to a single Warped Tour before we played.
Russ: Really?
Pouyan: Yeah I never went.
Justin: I went to a couple.

Kelly: So what’s your favorite thing about Seattle, besides the sun?
Chad: I just like the city. I don’t know, there’s something about it.
Pouyan: It is a nice city. It’s very, I dunno…It’s very welcoming, you know what I mean? It’s got a very warm, well, far from warm. But it’s got a very welcoming atmosphere.
Kelly: That’s what I like to hear.

(Pouyan shares his Coke with Kelly)

Russ: Did she just drink from the same can as you?
Pouyan: Yeah.
Kelly: Did I just get Herpes?
Chad: No. No you’re not drinking from DJ’s you’re alright.
Pouyan: Russ just wants to drink from the same can as me this whole tour. I won’t let him.
Kelly: You won’t let him?
Russ: Wow, you’re brave, that’s cool.
(Laughter)
Pouyan: Yeah, you’re brave.
Russ: I think it’s really cool.
Pouyan: No, it’s the STD’s on my face, he freaks out. But everyone else seems pretty cool about it, so...
Garrett: We already got ‘em so... Pouyan: Yeah. Sharing is caring man. (Sweet hand shake, he snaps his fingers)
(Laughter)

Kelly: So what is your favorite city to tour in?
Pouyan: Utah.
Chad: Salt Lake City for sure.
Pouyan: Yeah I think that’s the best city. There’s not much to do though. Cool people though.
Garrett: If you could tour with any three bands, who would they be?

Chad: Michael Jackson.
Pouyan: Yeah, Michael Jackson for sure.
Kelly: Oh, Garrett, I told you they would say that!
Pouyan: How did you know?
Kelly: I don’t know!
Russ: Same reason why she drank your soda.
Garrett: He’s a god.
Pouyan: And then Jimmy Eat World I think would be amazing. And then Radiohead.

The conversation trails off to talking about el Corazon's chicken tenders and hot dogs. Then DJ hobbles in drunk and he and Garrett start telling each other dead baby jokes. He also does not seem shocked that the rest of his band was just plotting his murder...