When I started forming ideas for an article about the most recent death spasms of the alternative music scene, I knew that as a proud hack writer, I'd need two things:

1) a culprit
2) a symbol to epitomize that culprit.

The former was easy enough to find: the neon wave is all around us. By now, most people are familiar with it -- BrokeNCYDE, Millionaires, Breathe Carolina, and the more innocuous groups like 3OH!3 and Family Force 5 who operate on the outskirts of this barren-yet-danceable musical wasteland. In the end, though, I decided none of them were good enough to encapsulate not only what's wrong with the neon movement, but how and why our scene got so far off track in the first place.

Then, thanks to a recent headline, it finally hit me.

Gabe Saporta.

If the name doesn't ring a bell, perhaps Cobra Starship does? He's the frontman of that oft-maligned emo party bus, a veteran of the scene, and has been riding high on neon for years now. Before Cobra Starship, he fronted pop-punk legend Midtown, which is 90% of why many of his older fans didn't immediately abandon him when "fangs up!" became his new catchphrase. Nowadays the name Midtown commands a certain sense of nostalgic respect, with some of their more seminal albums occupying slots as scene classics. With rose-tinted glasses firmly on, Midtown fans have tried their best for years to ignore Gabe's admittedly profitable electronica shenanigans.

But this past week, the traycard for Millionaires' new EP leaked, and the dam finally burst.

First off, if you don't know about Millionaires, consider yourself fortunate. They are the epitome of a hype group, built on nothing more than cheap materialism, stale synthesizers, and trashy lyrics. Three spoiled ditzes from the O.C. valley-girl rapping about how awesome alcohol abuse and promiscuity are. But enough about them. The important thing here is that their new EP is being distributed by Decaydance Records, an imprint of Fueled By Ramen founded by Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy (with a legacy of trying to give honest, hardworking bands a leg up -- hah). And the person listed as having A&R;credit, meaning he brought the group to the label management's attention?

Gabe Motherfucking Saporta.

That sound you heard was the fragile delusions of all former Midtown fans shattering like so much dropped porcelain. Suddenly it all makes sense, doesn't it? Think back. Why did Gabe form Cobra Starship to begin with? It was because Midtown was going nowhere. They made solid music, but were starving artists. They got dropped from their label. Album sales were stagnant. Gabe realized that authenticity didn't sell; image and novelty did. So he wrote a song for Snakes On A Plane and became, as he once wrote for Midtown, everything he'd always hated.

For those who think that's too cartoonishly evil, go check out Saporta's blog, where he recently mounted a defense of his A&R;credit. For those of you who see a group of talentless whores pissing on everything the Riot Grrrl movement stood for in the 90's, you apparently have a terrible sense of humor!

"millionaires are a walking contradiction. deplorable in many ways, and empowering in others. the person who just sees the periphery will not get that. but i dug a little deeper. and i understood the joke and thought it was hilarious . they have attitude. and they don’t take themselves too seriously. i’ll take that any day over some kid singing about his girlfriend."

Saporta seems to miss the irony of his own statement. Earlier this decade, that was HIM singing about his girlfriend. Skim the comments of his blog, where fans quote those lyrics back to him and he responds that doing so is a "cheap shot" with "no merit." Try again, Mr. Saporta. You laid a foundation of musical respectability with those songs to string along the dedicated through Cobra, and now that foundation is cracking. You can't get around it. If you'll take a "joke" like Millionaires over the authentic passion of a kid singing about his girlfriend, you reveal just how little respect you had for your work in Midtown. Because at the end of the day, you're doing the same thing as the Millionaires girls, aren't you? Just having fun with little or no thought given to the message, the music, or the impact. All that really matters at the end of the day is the check clearing.

By the way, I'm waiting on specifics for how Millionaires count as "empowering."

Some say that this is all being blown out of proportion. That Saporta doesn't owe anyone an explanation for his tastes or actions outside his music, and that if it sells, they must be doing something right. I say those people miss the very point of having a scene in the first place. If we just wanted shallow, trite music devoid of a worthwhile message, we could listen to almost any song on a Top 40 radio chart. Alternative music was supposed to be an escape from the vapid, sterile trenches of mainstream bullshit. I loved this scene because even if the messages weren't that original (see: a kid singing about his girlfriend), they weren't repulsive like, well... crunk music. But now, thanks in part to Mr. Saporta, we're importing the worst of rap culture to our scene, and great bands like Thrice and Alexisonfire are being forced to share a venue with Millionaires and BrokeNCYDE all summer long on Warped Tour.

So thanks, Cobra Boy. Thanks for finally giving up the ghost.